Brains for the Zombie Soul (a parody) by Michelle Hartz

Author:Michelle Hartz
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Humor, Zombies
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

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Hope Lies with the Children

On the Friday after Thanksgiving, I took my son with me shopping.

Normally I don’t take my son out with me, especially on one of the busiest days of the year, but I wanted him to learn a valuable lesson.

The night before, we heard all these horror stories on the news about Black Friday sales at large retailers. Most of them showcased a lack of compassion in a frenzy of good deals. I wanted him to see a better side of humanity.

So instead of going to the big box stores, my son and I started our Christmas shopping at local businesses instead. We were greeted warmly by all the clerks and shop owners.

The worst part of the day was when my son lost his teddy bear. Even though he’s six, I was still having a hard time separating him from that bear. But when we got into the kitchen store, he looked down to find BooBoo Bear missing. He was immediately inconsolable.

We went back to the store we had just come from and looked all around, but we couldn’t find it. We asked the cashier and anyone else who looked familiar, even the zombie browsing the snow globes, but no one had seen it.

I finally got him settled down enough to continue shopping. We went back to the kitchen store, got the few gifts I wanted to get there, and stood in line to check out. I had resolved that we would go home as soon as we got checked out.

Then the zombie from the other store came in the door, looked around, saw us, and approached my son. He kneeled down to be eye level with him and said, “It took a while to find him, but I was eventually successful.” He pulled his hand from behind his back.

“BooBoo Bear!” my son cried, grabbing his teddy bear. “Thank you mister!”

After that day, no six year old was a bigger zombie rights activist than my son. It took him a while to realize that zombies were often treated differently than us. When he did, any time he saw any signs of zombie discrimination, he would yell, “That’s no fair!”

The week before Christmas, he asked me, “Mommy, can we get a present for the man who found BooBoo Bear for me?”

“I’m sorry honey,” I said, “We don’t know that man’s name or where he lives.”

“Oh,” said my son, obviously disappointed.

I thought a moment and said, “But I have an idea. Why don’t we take presents to the Home for the Differently Animated for all the poor zombies there?”

“Okay!” he said, and immediately we went to work to figure out what they might like.

He couldn’t even wait until the next day to go shopping. So went we went out that night and stocked up on candy bars and festive socks and holiday sweaters and Santa Claus hats, and CDs and books and movies.

We went to the zombies the next day. My son went around passing out the gifts to all the patients.

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